Discussion Essay (Revision 1)
Discussion Essay (Revision 1)
Nowadays, many people known about the Internet and one of it is the game - online game. People have ever been playing online games, especially students. An online game is a game that we have to play it through the Internet. So there are many advantages and disadvantages from it.
An online game has advantages for us. For example, it can help us to communicate with people around the world. In the Internet is not only from your people play there, it consisted of people over the world. So if we play through the Internet, we can interact with them and also can improve our foreign language skills. In addition, playing online game can reduce stress. After work all day we usually felt bored, so we can play games to refresh our mind.
In contrast, an online game also has disadvantages. For instance, it can give bad effect for us. Such as, eyesore, backache, and can't do exercise. Besides all of that, it could give bad habits for children and make children lazy to doing other activities, and the worst of it. Children will be contaminated by the pornography aspect.
Although, playing online games has advantages for us, but for children, it can be a disaster.So, I emphasize online games should be banned for children, but they can play under control their parents. However, for students I think it shouldn't, because they have already known what is the good and bad for them.
Playing Online Games Should be Banned or Not?
Nowadays, many people known about the Internet and one of it is the game - online game. People have ever been playing online games, especially students. An online game is a game that we have to play it through the Internet. So there are many advantages and disadvantages from it.
An online game has advantages for us. For example, it can help us to communicate with people around the world. In the Internet is not only from your people play there, it consisted of people over the world. So if we play through the Internet, we can interact with them and also can improve our foreign language skills. In addition, playing online game can reduce stress. After work all day we usually felt bored, so we can play games to refresh our mind.
In contrast, an online game also has disadvantages. For instance, it can give bad effect for us. Such as, eyesore, backache, and can't do exercise. Besides all of that, it could give bad habits for children and make children lazy to doing other activities, and the worst of it. Children will be contaminated by the pornography aspect.
Although, playing online games has advantages for us, but for children, it can be a disaster.So, I emphasize online games should be banned for children, but they can play under control their parents. However, for students I think it shouldn't, because they have already known what is the good and bad for them.
hhm... i've readed your text . and i've some correction for u
ReplyDelete1. many people known about the Internet and one of it is the game - online game
it would be better if " many people known about internet and online games "
2. i think this an ambiguous sentence "In the Internet is not only from your people play there, it consisted of people over the world".
i hope u find a better one.
3. "So if we play through the Internet,"
the better one is " so if we playing internet"
maybe that's all....
keep trying for the best !!
Thank's for your comment.....
ReplyDeleteI suggest you to add more idea in your essay,
ReplyDeleteit will more better.
maybe that's all
Good Luck ^^
Epi, It's a good topic for discussion essay. but, it would be better if you write the general statement that would be argued in your essay and you can add some issues in public to make sure your essay is interesting the reader.
ReplyDeleteand you can add some sources to make the reader believe in your arguments.
in the conclusion, i think you have to summary both of your arguments first.
*dont forget to give space in your conclusion paragraph ;)
that's all :)
*keep struggling ^^
I like your discussion text epi....
ReplyDeletebut there are some mistakes. they are
P1L1 " many people known about ".In discussion text we use simple present or present perfect tense so you should write" many people have known about or many people know about"
i think your essay should be develop. you have to explain each point especially in aguments againts part. you can explain by telling examples.
overall is fine ..
Fighting^-^
last paragraph line 1 : Although, playing online games has advantages for us,
ReplyDeleteit means : games online
^^
" An online game is a game that we have to play it through the Internet. " you shouldn't explain it, because you have explain it before. it's such a waste
ReplyDelete" In the Internet is not only from your people play there," what is the sentence means? i think you have to explain it, to make it clearly.
overall, it is a good topic to discuss. don't forget to develop your idea in each paragraph.
i am a gamer....
ReplyDeleteand i think some of your idea was right....
there are :
1. i hardly do exercise if i have started gaming
2. it's really bad for children because it will make them had no social skill (in reality). it's better for children played traditional game like cik mancik, or sembalakon and etc rather than game online.
ahh, i'm thinking about the advantages of game online....
personally, i like it becauseee.....
it's FUN....!!!!
it can make me forgot the whole problem i had....
ahhhahaha....
and the disadvantages yes, backache...
and one more, game online had no relation with porn....
if a person had played game online, he or she will forget everything included porn....
RIGHT...
even though, people who played game online could forgot his or her boyfriend or girlfriend....
(i see that with my own eyes)
that's all thank's
your essay very good epi !
ReplyDeletei agree with your essay epi, playing online games has advantages for us, but for children, it can be a disaster. So, I emphasize online games should be banned for children, but they can play under control their parents.
that's all for me
fighting !!!
your essay is good, I suggest you to add more argument to support your essay.
ReplyDeleteactually I don't agree with your opinion because I found some disadvantages from playing online game like we spent much time, make our eyes damages and backache.
that's all
"Children will be contaminated by the pornography aspect."
ReplyDeleteis it the effect of internet or game online, isn't it?
Elfida, you have chosen good topic, but it's better for you to develop the idea in for and against paragraphs.
*keep moving*